10 realities of buying your first house that no one ever tells you about

Think you can just shimmy onto that property ladder, do you?

It’s an emotional rollercoaster where your solicitor becomes your bae, RightMove becomes your Tinder, and, in sheer panic, you find yourself flirting with all kinds of weird houses that just aren’t your type. Here’s 10 things that no one ever really tells you about buying your first house…

1. No matter how much money you save, you will always need more The boiler will break, the survey will discover some weird damp, the previous owner will take away their inconspicuous rug to reveal a giant rubble hole in the middle of your dining room floor... And if you’re lucky like we were, you’ll get all these problems and more. So when shouting at the estate agent doesn’t get you anywhere, it sure would be handy to have some extra monies aside to deal with the dramas. Of course, that’s like telling you to keep an extra secret pot of gold at the end of your rainbow, we understand…

2. It might take ages to find somewhere…. Especially if you’re looking to buy in or around London. We offered on 17 houses before we got our one in Essex and house heartbreak is something that you just can’t give time to.

3. And it can also all happen very fast… So you need to be ready to go at any moment. Isn’t that a fun contradiction?

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4. Some people smell Other people simply don’t live to the same standards you do. Ticking a smelly house, a pet-cage house, a bombsite house and a grandma-carpet house off of your viewing list is a rite of passage, tbh.

5. RightMove becomes your favourite website You visit it at least three times a day and you only have to type ‘r’ in your phone’s browser for it to know exactly which website you’re heading to. You look at hundreds of properties on here, and use your most judgmental judgi-ness at this stage of the game. No picture of the bathroom? You’ve got their card marked.

6. Because when you get to a viewing a lot of standards go out the window The viewing is more of a 5 minute dash around with a dozen other prospective buyers all squeezing into the bedroom at the same time as you. The selling agent will also say things like ‘yes we’re expecting it to be gone by the end of the day’, nice ‘n loud, to further panic you. Everything will be a bit of a blur and you won’t notice the broken cupboard doors, unless you’re focused, soldier.

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7. You don’t get a second viewing You know in the movies when people take their parents to look around and it’s so lovely and everyone approves? That just doesn’t happen IRL.

8. People can be really shitty And do things like drop out the day before you’re supposed to move. When you get the keys, you might also arrive to crime scene outlines of their old furniture where they’ve ‘freshened up’ the paintwork around it. Hilarious.

9. You’ll learn a new word, gazzump It just wouldn’t happen in Topshop, would it? You’d never find yourself at the counter paying up, when some other gal comes along and says, shopkeeper, I’ll give you an extra £1 for that top in her bag. Well in the real estate world, it’s a very real thing. Even when you think you’ve bought the house, chances are someone else can still steal it from you if they offer more cash, and that super-sisterly action is called gazzumping.

10. But when you’re in, it’s the best You saved and you suffered and now you have a home to call your own. Isn’t it the best? Except you really shouldn’t have a house party because other people’s shoes will ruin it. Enjoy!