“I regret…him” — Brides reveal their biggest Wedding Day regrets

Growing up in the 90s and early noughties, the pinnacle of adulthood looked like a frothy white dress and a ‘happily ever after’. Weddings were the climax of so many of my favourite films and TV shows, Gossip Girl—which enraptured me so much that I took to calling my friends by their initials only—literally ends with (spoiler alert!) Dan and Serena’s long-awaited nuptials. The fact that weddings were so often the closing act for my favourite stars got me wondering what happened to these women after they were married. If this, as I was led to believe, was the happiest day of their lives, did everything go downhill after? That seemed like a grim fate to befall my favourite 20-something heroines even if they were fictional.

I began getting suspicious about weddings. While friends would while away sleepovers wistfully planning their Big Day, I became increasingly baffled by the whole thing (though I still harboured fantasies of being a flower girl and later a bridesmaid). And so it has been all too easy for me to report on the rise in divorce parties, hen party horror stories and bridal store secrets (“The bride brought six friends and a ring light. They filmed everything.”). I took smug comfort in the fact I would never be that bride because I’d never be a bride at all, ha!

But, like the chronic over thinker I am, after a while of writing these wedding stories, I started to question my ideas about matrimony and realised that what I really take umbrage with is the idea that it should be the greatest achievement of a woman’s life, as so many stories I read, watched and listened to as a kid, told me. I suspect it’s this very idea that has led to some of the wedding regrets shared by brides for this story.

I might not have gotten married myself but I know that from the moment a couple gets engaged, there’s a flurry of expectations and that the desire for that ‘perfect day’ can quickly sour into a source of stress. And so, void of any actual first-hand experience, I took to that great message board of our time—Instagram—to find out what real-life brides wish they could change about their wedding day. Read on to make sure the same fate doesn’t befall you.

“I wish I had not rushed the aisle walk”

“I wish I had not rushed the aisle walk, my brother was trying to slow me down, he was like “You’re walking too quickly, slow down”, which was true, because in my head I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is awful, I just wanna get it over and done with, this is so intimidating, I feel very vulnerable”. But now, or even as soon as it was done, I wondered why I hadn’t soaked in this once in a life thing. It makes me emotional thinking about the fact my whole family was there. I wish I had more of a visual image of it, but because I was so trying to rush it and get through it, I kind of blocked it out other than my brother telling me to slow down, which I think is sad. I always say to brides: it’s really nerve-wracking but try and get a visual of it and try and soak it in because it feels very significant after.”

- Sarah, 33

“My husband has turned out to be an absolute monster”

“My wedding was wonderful, so there’s very little about the actual day that I regret, but I do know that my husband has turned out to be an absolute monster. I regret him. I regret getting sucked in and believing all the bullshit and when I look back at the messages, realising I’ve been bloody love-bombed. I thought I was completely and utterly head over heels in love, but there were so many red flags. I think I ignored them because I was 39 when we met and I was just a few days away from turning 41 when we got married. We planned this huge wedding in 2020, which obviously got cancelled, but a lot of my friends still say it was their favourite ever wedding because it was 30 people and it was amazing, but he’d been out the night before with the boys and I always just felt a bit let down. Now I've got to deal with divorce and all the messiness that comes with it and realising that I just didn’t pick a good one, and it’s really sad and we wasted a lot of money and such a special day and all those lovely memories are just tarnished by the fact that it wasn’t real.”

- *Sally, 44

“I wish I’d been more brutal”

“I would definitely have cut down on the guest list. Some people I haven’t seen since the wedding, I wish I’d been more brutal.”

- Penny

“I never had the dress moment”

“Because we cancelled our Italian wedding, and then didn’t decide to do the COVID wedding until like a month before, I didn’t do any of the going to the shops and trying on wedding dresses and finding that perfect wedding dress. I literally just bought one off Zara that came a couple of days before. That was a big regret as I never had the dress moment”.

- Alice, 31

“Too much evening food”

“Too much evening food. I knew there would be but you still feel the pressure to provide just in case, but it results in so much waste! Too many deserts, (worrying about catering to everyone's needs too much) should have kept it way more simple and just done a pile of chocolate brownies (they were the winner). Also, getting parents and friends to do the clean up, awful and unfair decision. I should have just paid a team to do it.”

- Emma, 33

“We don’t have any couple photos”

“Photography. We don’t have any couple photos from either wedding. We have natural ones at the COVID one in the garden, but we didn’t do any staged couple photos. I always joke that one day I’ll get a wedding dress and we’ll go and stage some couple-y, posy photos — something I can put in a frame.”

- Grace, 30

“Our engagement was way too long”

“My partner and I are both in agreement that our engagement was way too long. We’ll have been engaged for 22 months by the time we get married in June, and while I fully appreciate that planning takes time, it’s also true that you can give yourselves too much and lose the magic and excitement a little bit, instead getting weighed down with family politics, admin and logistics.

We’ve really tried to keep the whole vibe of ours lowkey, intimate and relaxed - we’re having a backyard wedding in my partner’s parents wildflower meadow - but even despite that, I feel like all I’ve spoken, thought or dreamt about for the best part of two years is the wedding. It also reaches a point where it’s all anyone asks you about, and you feel like all other aspects of your personality get forgotten about. Having such a long engagement also meant we went round the houses on small decisions that really didn't need that much time or energy dedicated to them, simply because we had the time to. If we’d settled on a date with a quicker turnaround, we would’ve had to be more final with our decisions - which would have lead to far fewer disagreements.”

- Ally, 29

“I regret not being more organised with my dress”

“I regret not being more organised with my dress, it would just have been nice to feel like 10 out of 10.”

- Jackie, 27

“We had a friend do our wedding photos”

“The photos! We had a friend do our wedding photos and she did a great job but we are missing some of the key, more “traditional” shots. We didn’t think we weren’t so interested beforehand but now wish we had more.”

- Ashleigh

“I made all my decisions worrying about what my guests wanted”

“The biggest bit of advice I would give to anyone getting married now which is probably very obvious but I completely didn’t bear in mind: DON’T be a people pleaser otherwise the wedding just ends up being for everyone else and not for you. I realised I made all my decisions worrying about what my guests wanted and ended up forgetting about myself.”

- Jenny

“I wish I’d paid £500 more and had two photographers”

“Not getting a second photographer. My friend went over-kill with photographers and videographers and we spent aaaaaages on the photos, so I didn’t want that. I wanted people to be enjoying the day not being herded round for photos. The price also put me off but I wish I’d paid £500 more and had 2 photographers because we only ended up with two photos of my grandad from the whole day.”

- Rachel

“I wish I’d rented”

“I regret spending so much money on heavy Indian dresses I’ll never wear again! Same goes with jewellery. I wish I’d rented it instead or went down a vintage route of wearing my mom’s or aunts’ pieces.”

- Pooja Shah

“Getting tan lines”

“Getting tan lines as it ruined the look of my dress from the back.”

- Natalie, 34

“My wedding dress was such a letdown”

“My wedding dress was such a letdown. I searched for months to find a dress that matched my identity but ended up persuaded into a gown that was completely wrong for me. While the dress appeared beautiful on display and received compliments for being “classic” and “timeless”, my photos revealed I just felt like I was wearing someone else’s concept of bridal attire. The bodice fit poorly which required frequent adjustments throughout the day thus spoiling the elegant look I wanted.”

- Grace, 34

“Drinking too much getting ready”

“Drinking too much when I was getting ready and then doing a spontaneous speech at dinner.”