So, you've just found out your partner's got you no presents at Christmas? You might be feeling a mixture of emotions.
Let's set the scene, first. After a morning of festive fun (not including the best sex games if you're going home for Christmas), you finally get to the best part of the day - opening the presents.
While everyone gathers around the tree to find a gift with their name on it, you come to realise yours is missing. So, has your partner forgotten to get you anything at all? Or did they skip your gift this year, in an attempt to save money? (We all know the financial squeeze has been tighter than ever).
First things first - don't jump to any conclusions, advises relationship expert Jordan Dixon from The Thoughthouse.
It's normal to feel disheartened or unseen. Dixon reckons it might be because you haven't opened up to your partner about gifting yet - what she calls the "gifting experience conversation". Never heard of it? It's essentially discussing your expectations with your significant other, and Dixon introduced it to me as a fail-safe way of getting what you wish for in the present department.
Tempted to start quiet quitting the relationship and download the best sex apps or best dating sites? Try Dixon's steps first.
No presents at Christmas from your partner? 3 tips for coping, from a relationship expert
1. Don't jump to conclusions
We get it. Being politely curious may not be your immediate thought when you just want to ask, "why did you forget my present?". That said, jumping to conclusions might not be the right approach, warns the expert. "The first thing I would always recommend someone before speaking to their partner is curiosity," advises Dixon.
"Curiosity can be a really great ally," she shares. Why? Because being curious about why they have not given you a gift might lead to relationship development. Maybe they're having financial troubles (there is a cost of living crisis, after all), and simply couldn't afford to gift you this year.
Or, there's a possibility that gifting just isn't their love language. "A partner may see the quality time spent at Christmas as enough and another partner may be more aligned with gifting as their love language, so it’s vital to discuss and find out to avoid assumptions," Dixon goes on.
It's also important to be curious about the context of your relationship - for example, have you been with them only a few short months? "You may not have been with them long enough, or the relationship might not be in good shape," Dixon suggests.
That said, the reason will be unique to each relationship and you'll need to communicate with your partner to find out why. For example, it could be that he's booked an IRL experience for next year, so didn't have anything to wrap up. "The best thing to do is to ask rather than fill in the gaps yourself," she continues. "You can then make a much clearer decision about what to do with that information with clarity."
It's also important to remember that some people can find Christmas stressful, and the added pressure can lead to people forgetting things like important gifts for those they're closest too.
2. Ask yourself: did I share my expectations?
Your upset because you were expecting one of the best luxury beauty gifts (me too) but that's the key point here - expecting. Were they aware of the type of gifting experience you were expecting? Have you had that conversation? The gifting experience conversation specifically.
"There’s nothing worse when a partner has not said a thing to their partner about presents, they may have even previously agreed on saving, then one partner doesn’t communicate they are getting something and surprises the other." This is a very common story Dixon hears from her clients.
So she invites her clients to have a conversation around gifting, way ahead of any birthdays, valentines day, or the festive season. "It’s helpful to recognise our own power in our relationships to create the type of relationships and gifting experiences we want," says Dixon. That means starting a conversation about what you expect.
I get it, telling your partner exactly what you want, kind of goes against the idea of a thoughtful, surprise gift. But it's for a good reason- "this is so you can mutually agree what works for each person in the relationship," shares the expert. And never be the only one without a gift on Christmas Day again. (Unless you both agree to it, of course)
It should be seen as a mutual agreement and however awkward it may initially sound, "it can help manage more realistic expectations and put us at ease about what’s going to happen," shares Dixon.
Look at it in the same way as sex, "I recommend approaching gifting with the same openness, honesty and curiosity," she continues.
"The main principles of healthy sex are consent and mutual pleasure and I echo these as being part and parcel of creating a pleasurable gifting experience (excuse the pun)," says Dixon.
3. Have a conversation about the gifting experience
Still feeling upset, angry or disappointed about the situation? Then you might not be ready to sit down and discuss it. First, Dixon advises taking some time out and away from the situation. Try a winter stroll (read up on the benefits of walking, here) or maybe some yoga poses, if that's more your style.
When the dust is settled and both parties are ready for an open and honest conversation, the expert advises broaching the subject of gifts generally, asking a question like: "What are your thoughts about us gifting one another this year?".
Following up further by gauging the amount each is willing to spend - "I was thinking of gifting you and spending this amount, how do you feel about that?," she advises.
What if you are in a brand-new relationship? A simple "How do you feel about gifting in relationships?” will suffice to gauge what each of you expects.
Still thinking you don't want to bring it up? Think of it this way: "Intentional conversations can allow adjustment and feedback and ultimately help us and our partner to have more understanding about gifting," the pro shares.
"It’s helpful to recognise our own power in our relationships to create the type of relationships and gifting experiences we want."
See? Communication really is key.
