Dear Dolly: "My overbearing mother-in-law is ruining our relationship"

published 17 July 2018

What Would Dolly Pawton Do?

1.30pm Sloane Square.

I’ve nearly got rid of all the glitter from Pride parade. Glitter is like sand it gets in all crevices and no matter how many times you shower there’s another piece that appears on the side of your face or stuck to your nipple three weeks later, like why!?

The rainbows may have faded commercially but I am here to keep the colours bright.

As I walked through a sea of love one week just under a week later I was walking in protest to stamp out negativity and hate. London is the most amazing place to display all kinds of thoughts and we are lucky enough to be granted freedom of speech. Everybody knows I have no problem with speaking freely and supporting all that I believe to be true.

I loved the Fashion Panel talk I was asked to be part of at J.Crew as part of their Love first campaign. Regents street was not ready for my Liberty print customised neck-tie, I think they should make a come back - stop tying them in your hair and get them around your necks. Name one air steward circa 1980 who didn’t like a neck chief. I’m bringing it back.!

The talk was entitled ‘Expressing yourself through fashion’

It was a discussion and also a debate on what it was like to be an influencer, a campaigner & how fashion has hindered or helped you be you and it got me thinking on so many levels as my own questions started. Is there loyalty in London or has everyone got a price? Has originality gone out the window and is any opinion valid even if taken from someone else’s lips? What makes a view more or less valid and how can the true voices be heard over the white noise of commercialism?

Trend is one thing and something we all follow to a degree. But being you is not a trend; being you can be easy, hard, life changing or ending.

I think the biggest lesson over this glitter induced period is fighting for what you believe in will always be hard if not following the masses and could be even harder when it’s on trend. The louder the voices the more insignificant a message could be. Social media has a big part to play in this; some speak out for personal growth while some stay silent in fear of losing limelight (This frustrates my whole family); some for self gratification and glory and some for the real meaning of a cause. I guess the real question I was left with was “How do you continue to keep shining when so many want to steal your shine?” My answer, it’s nobody’s to take, it’s yours darling, keep the glow and grow!

What Would Dolly Pawton Do?

‘Dear Dolly,

I’ve been in a relationship with my fiancé for over 3 years.

He is a everything I’ve wanted in a man and never expected to fall so hard for someone after being in some pretty horrendous relationships.

The problem is I’m not just in a relationship with only him. I’m in relationship with his Mother.

She is a medlar. She constantly puts me down and is interfering in our life choices. Our future plans are not moving in the direction we have discussed together and even the wedding has been put on hold!

I didn’t want to see it but he is a Mummy’s boy and I can’t cope any longer with him allowing her to talk to me like I’m shit. Like he could do better. Like I’m holding him back. She always dictates to me what I should wear and has even compared me to his ex fiancé.

I’ve tried to have this conversation with him but he just ignores it and says, “It’s just who she is, don’t overthink it” and then accusing me of wanting to start arguments.

He even suggested we move back to his childhood home with his parents so we could save money quicker to buy the house we want in London. I couldn’t believe it.

Help Dolly. I am in need of your guidance and wisdom.

Anna - London ‘

Dear Anna,

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Comparing you to the ex fiancé? This woman could potentially be the nightmare of all Mother-in-laws.

Not quite the threesome you may have expected huh?

No but seriously, this is categorically unacceptable behaviour on your partner’s behalf.

He clearly wants to make his Mother happy and is therefore forfeiting your happiness.

I’m going to be brutal here. You need to speak the hell up and tell this Mother what she is doing is wrong and stop allowing her to treat you this way. Take back your power. I noticed you said “he” is allowing her to talk to you that way. No, you’re allowing it.

You just want him to defend you, which he should, but this isn’t the days where you don’t have a voice, you better lay your cards on the table and have a conversation with his Mother too.

I know you’ve tried speaking with him already but make this the time that counts.

In my experience Mummy’s boys don’t change and Mothers like that get worse if you don’t say how you feel. So if you really love your partner you need to be vocal. If that doesn’t work and he continues to brush aside your feelings and the Mother doesn’t stop controlling him and you then you're going to have to reevaluate your relationship because you shouldn’t be second on his list. Your feelings are valid and important. You are his future bride ffs.

I’m going to be honest, if this was me, I’d be off quicker than Usain bolt in a 100 metre sprint. Girl, know your worth.

Keep in touch.

London love

Dolly Pawton xx