8 Things To NOT Buy Your Girlfriend This Christmas

Look we get it, you want to be nice, generous even and you’re about to embark on a mission of independent thought, for that, we commend you. However, if we were you, we’d avoid the following gifting options…

1. A Cliff Richard calendar Sure, that’s a fun joke. Sure it is. But you did get her something else as well didn’t you? You didn’t just buy her a Cliff calendar? Did you? Dude…

2. A onesie We couldn’t care less if your dearly beloved girlfriend sent you a specific link to a specific store with a specific ‘comedy’ ‘onesie’ she is dying to own. This should not be encouraged on any level. She is a grown woman. Remind her of that.

3. Diamonds Who is she, the Queen of Sheba? Raising expectation levels to ‘fine’ jewellery is good for no one in the long run. If you go in at diamonds for Christmas what on earth are you going to do for her birthday? This will backfire on you badly. Why not pick these rather festive shaped earrings from every cool girl's favourite gem-queen Pamela Love? £130 from net-a-porter. Kudos will be yours.

3. A board game Do you want to play this board game? Really? You really, really want to play this? Because once she has that Who’s in the Bag special edition set, that’s it, that’s the next four weeks of Saturday nights set. And you know that she always wins at Monopoly. And it might well get vicious.

4. Tickets to a musical that you know she will love yet you will hate Why do this to yourself? She wants to go with someone who will sing along to every painful chorus, not you pulling a face with your buttocks clenched counting down the seconds until you can down an overpriced gin and tonic during the interval. Why not give her both tickets and tell her to take someone who’ll appreciate it.

5. A framed picture of the two of you If you need to be told what is wrong with this, we can’t help you.

6. A scarf Sure it’s nice. It’s a nice scarf. Is it the Louis Vuitton scarf she like totally, totally has been sending you screen grabs off for the last six months? No. Everytime she puts this scarf on she will be reminded that it’s the wrong scarf. It will forever be the wrong scarf. It’s just, you know, a scarf.

7. Taxidermy I would call this a marmite option. Some people love it, some people definitely don’t. Unless she’s a collector it’s probably best to not go out on a limb here. I can see you’re thinking, ‘Yes! Something different! Something she hasn’t got!’ But, there might be reason for that…

Now here are 100 genuinely beautiful Christmas gifts to buy her...