19 Joan Collins Quotes We Wish We'd Said Ourselves

Who doesn't love Joan Collins? She's the ultimate diva and, boy, do we wish we'd come up with some of her witty one-liners. Here are the grande dame's best quotes of all time...

1. 'Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine...'

2. 'The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer.'

3. 'I've never yet met a man who could look after me. I don't need a husband. What I need is a wife.'

4. 'Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.'

5. 'I have had to give up certain things in my life. One is shopping. Two is lunch with the girls. Three is cocktail parties, and four is studying my lines.'

6. 'The secret of having a personal life is not answering too many questions about it.'

7. 'The easiest way to convince my kids that they don't really need something is to get it for them.' 

8. 'Even when you win the rat race, you're still a rat.'

9. 'All of a sudden I found myself with the reputation of being a swinger and a home-wrecker. Beverly Hills wives were supposed to live in fear in case I cast my green orbs in the direction of their men. Ninety-nine per cent of this was total fabrication.'

10. 'But I wouldn't date a man who slept around. Absolutely not. I've divorced people for that.'

11. 'Dynasty was the opportunity to take charge of my career rather than waiting around like a library book waiting to be loaned out.'

12. 'I have always lived my life with enthusiasm and pleasure.'

13. 'After a certain age you get the face you deserve.'

14. 'I consider you as old as you look and feel. And in that case I feel about thirty nine, like Jack Benny.'

15. 'I've never chased fame. I came into this business to be a theatre actress. I was nine when I first appeared on stage. But I can't say I would turn my back on fortune. I'm someone who enjoys the benefits of money. I created a lifestyle for myself. Nobody else did it for me. Everything I have I've bought with my own money.'

16. 'I've fallen in love maybe five times in my life. But it's a long life. I do get crushes. Whether it's men or women or babies.'

17. 'I was thinking, who of the English actresses in the last 30 or 40 years have achieved as much as I have?'

18. 'It is unseemly to undress on stage. I won't do that.'

19. ...And our personal favourite: (when asked about the age difference between her and her young husband) 'If he dies, he dies!'