Thriving with Ateh: Navigating the month of love

February has always been seen as the month of love, but it can look a little different for all of us. I've had a Valentine my entire adult life, from the age of 19 right through to 45, when I met and eventually married my first boyfriend, before separating in 2023. Being "claimed" was such a huge part of my identity, and being someone's "somebody" is still such a huge part of our culture—it is celebrated and coveted.

Despite everything, I am a huge romantic, and yes, I still believe in love. But now that I'm older, wiser and thriving—not just surviving, the month of love means so much more; it's about claiming yourself.

Connection and community

When I separated from my partner, I realised how isolated I had become. So many people, like myself, can get lost in a cycle of work, home, repeat. When it comes to rebuilding, community is everything. Like an Avengers Assemble movie, the beauty industry and my friends scooped me up, and this gathering of healers and wise women has helped repair my heart.

Somatic movement expert, friend, and Soothe author, Nahid de Begeonne, was essential during my journey. Nahid's gentle movement and breath-work techniques can help with everything from heartbreak to burnt out and is truly a game changer.

Lizzie Pickering is a grief expert and author of When Grief Equals Love. She started her beautiful work when the worst possible thing happened: the death of one of her children. Instead of despairing, Lizzie used the experience to help others through death, divorce and loss with her warmth, kindness and joy for life, which is truly awe-inspiring.

I have also been lucky enough to have found Oksana Redfern, a harmony life coach, who has helped me tap into my inner goddess with her dating advice (the internet wasn't invented the last time I was in the dating game). Her divorce advice and life coaching sessions have helped me bloom and shine, thanks to a mixture of sage advice, tarot cards and hand-blended teas. Oksana taught me that love comes from meeting my own needs, which was mind-blowing considering that as a woman in my 40s, like so many of us, I was taught to put my own needs to the bottom of the list. Oksana said that if you ever find yourself obsessing over a love interest, obsess over your work, and coincidentally, I've just signed with my first-ever agent at Curtis Brown. I'm thrilled to take my career to another level.

Still, if you're craving touch, a good coping mechanism is getting a massage. The Aru Na Uche Deep Tissue Massage by Alphonsus Modebe is a game-changer. I felt healed from my spirit outwards thanks to Al's expert touch.

Self-care and self-love

Self-care and self-love can come in so many different forms. One of my best friends told me that now I was on my own, I needed two things.

One, a great coffee machine, which will save me a fortune, and a great vibrator! I bought myself a Delonghi coffee machine because I saw the lovely Emily English had one. I recently started cooking her nurturing recipes, and it's been the ultimate self-care, as good food helps to honour your body.

I also bought myself the Ann Summers Self Love Bullet Vibrator. This never fails to, err, put a smile on my face. And as Gwyneth Paltrow has taught us with Goop, sexual wellness is part of any good healthcare regimen.

Times have changed, and while in the past you might have found me crying Bridget Jones-style while swigging from a bottle of Chardonnay on Valentine's Day, this year, I headed to Soho Farmhouse with my girlfriends to watch the new Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy—she's now the poster child for second act shenanigans. So wherever you are, make sure to fill your cup, give yourself some DIY lovin' and know that this season of life is just the start of a lifetime of thriving.

I’m a huge fan of the Elemis Pro-Collagen Balm and all the offspring of the original, and now I’m in love with this black cherry edition. The ritual of massaging and taking my make-up off at the end of the day is highly ritualistic and helps me feel grounded. Rose and mimosa waxes are blended with starflower, elderberry and optimega to leave skin irresistibly soft and my spirit soothed.

I’ve been a Benefit mascara fan for over 20 years. I love this new one, which gives full, fluffy and lifted lashes—perfect for giving bedroom eyes.

There’s something about a power red lip that makes me feel like Alexis Carrington from Dynasty. This red is laced with mango seed oil and ceramides, which don't suck the life out of your lips. It makes you look and feel like a boss.

This is a heady, decadent body oil, which makes me feel like a high priestess anointing my body. A blend of seabuckthorn oil, cranberry seed oil and argan oil helps strengthen the skin's natural moisture barrier, while damask rose petals make the senses feel alive.

I've loved this brand since it launched, and so I'm very honoured to be its new ambassador. This bed balm is super versatile and is laced with 1200mg high-grade CBD, lavender, ylang-ylang and black pepper to soothe aches as well as frazzled nerves. A win-win.

This woody, spicy and ambery fragrance makes me feel like I’m being given a hug in the woods. I love to envelop myself in its deeply sensual notes of black pepper, frankincense and sandalwood.